Okay, well, I got some really sad news yesterday. My boyfriend of three years, practically, told me that he'd been cheating on me with a girl he lives with and that, therefore, he had to end our relationship.
I've been trying to process this information and it isn't really going very successfully. I'm sad and then I'm mad and then I've forgotten. I'm also undeniably in denial. What hit me today was that not only have I lost the guy I love, but also, one of my best friends. He is everything to me, I tell him everything that happens to me on a daily basis. He knows all the useless information, and all the private things. I've given him everything I can, and it seems that it just wasn't enough. There is a part of me that blames myself for this happening, and then the more rational half, that knows that this isn't my fault. And then, on top of all of that, there's the overwhelming feeling that he's made the wrong decision about us.
I understand, he thinks I deserve better, that he's bad for me. But, that should be my choice. And he's taken that away from me. I'm devastated, and I can't do anything to make myself feel any better. I can't imagine being without him. But, apparently, that's the reality I'm faced with.
I know I'm young, we're both young, but I was convinced, I remain convinced, that he was it for me. I only hope that he realises this too.
I never, ever thought I'd be this girl, who is so depressed about being broken up with. The girl who can't see a way out. The only way out I can think of, is with him. Regardless of what he's done. I also didn't think I'd ever be cheated on, twice, by the same person. I'm beginning to doubt that I'll ever trust anyone again.
Please, excuse my cynicism and negativity, but I just want to wallow in my misery for the next few days.
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